An acquaintance recently told me that he was in love with a girl he had met at his job, but she didn't know and he didn't know how to tell her. My first thought was--easy on the sexual harassment dude. Nowadays, all it seems if you walk by her desk too much you can get nailed as being a stalker. But he said, no, they were actually friends and that he spent a lot of time talking to her.

I told him, "well, at least we've identified your first mistake." If you have a crush on a girl you haven't tried to play the friend angle with, you just may have a shot.

Number 1: You can't be her friend.
For guys who are locked in the "friend zone", their retort is "you're crazy. At least we have a meaningful friendship." No, SHE has a meaningful relationship, you have a frustrating emotional letdown. Here's the way this works: you offer the emotional support she isn't getting from the guy who's fucking her, all with no strings attached. He makes her feel a little insecure, she feels bad, you buy her dinner, you boost up her self esteem, you get the blow off around 9, he gets the blow job around 10.

Number 2: Don't try to be her friend.
If you like a girl, honesty is the best policy. But, for the love of God, don't be too damn honest in the work place or something other place where you're trapped together. That can not only get you fired, but get you branded as a creep and end up making you the butt of jokes. Instead, if the crowd from work is going out after work, go with them. See if you can get her to talk to you--and don't expect to be a wallflower and work magic. Read some of the other articles on this site for more on that. If she does talk to you, then she's not repulsed--and if she talks to you and only you for an extended period of time, then this is your opening. After a few beers, just say--"You know, I have the biggest crush on you." See where it goes. If she shoots you down, just tell her that you hope she doesn't think you're a creep and laugh it off. If she doesn't shoot you down....Mind you, I'm not advocating dropping this line at the first outing, but if you see the opening, why waste time?

Number 3: If she's not interested in you, don't be interested in her.
Let's face it--in any case, with any girl, a woman always wants what she can't have. If she plays hard to get, you do it too. Just put it out of your mind and be cool--but don't act cool one minute and then melt the moment she looks at you. Convince yourself that you DON'T like her. You have to make her think--not the other way around. Even if you've completely fucked it up, but are ignoring her without being a bitter loser, she'll either wonder what the fuck you're up to or be silently glad you moved on. Either way, you may find her starting to be interested in you--or at least not ratting you out to HR for contributing to a hostile working environment. The bottom line is if you want to keep her interested, keep her guessing.

Number 4: Don't mince words, be wishy washy, etc.
This goes for any situation with any girl. If you like her, don't be afraid to like her. In other words, don't bullshit her by trying to play the friend angle because she'll never trust you--or even worse, you'll just be one of the girls. Just like I mentioned above, you'll be the emotional outlet, and the guy who understands how to play it gets to be the boy toy.

Good luck fellas. As always, don't take pansy advice and you won't be a pansy. Remember to drop me a line in the mailbag if this helps...