When we last left our rebounding recoverer, we were talking about what caused his breakup, his heartbreak in realizing it was really over, and how to score with chicks in a club. After reading my club advice, he (wisely) elected to play in the arena he knew the best--the pubs. This email conversation occurred a few weeks later and he had an update--and a good one at that.
Anonymous wrote: Well, the weekend before last - this reasonably decent looking chick pretty much jumped me at this pub/club venue. she was quite drunk, but i went along with it.
When we got back to my place I had a crisis of conscience and didn't take advantage of her (she was really drunk), we fooled around for a bit though - after an hr of sobering up she explained that she has a rule of no one night stands, so if i did take advantage of her things would have turned out quite badly.
anyhow we got along really well in the morning, talked for hrs - i dropped her off home, she gave me 3 sets of contact details (ph, yahoo, email). The next day i invited her to poker, as she showed interest the night before - no response to the sms. I called and left a message.
The next day i emailed, just so that she knows my email address pretty much (playing it cool). No response.
Its been a week now, this is the closest I have come to anything emotionally supportive since the breakup... and despite how well we got along, I have been rejected once again... its really quite crushing this one.
What are your thoughts on the whole 'taking advantage' thing and contact after the night?
I mean, if you know that you are capable of giving her a memorable experience and went through with it, chances are she probably would have called. Its tricky, I guess if shes that drunk she may forgot the experience anyway. And its not really taking advantage if shes the one who jumped me... I dunno eh.
p.s. I have been working out at the gym quite a bit now, improving my chances with appearance (new shirts etc) - seemed to work quite well.
The truth is, I wish I had done the research then and written my guide, How To Succeed at Internet Dating. You saw me talk about on the last page. We both know why you're still reading. Snap out of it. Go get back in the game.
John responds: I'm going to keep it honest...
If she said no, she meant no. There's a fine line between nailing a chick and being accused of something worse. You made the right decision.
But overall, it sounds if you're a little too eager to bounce back, and that can come off as desperate. Once they smell that, it's over, out like a light. The total opposite of confidence. You tried to contact her--maybe a bit quick and maybe a bit too much--but you did your part. Now back off. If she responds to anything, she'll respond to you not paying attention to her. If she doesn't, fuck it. You can't worry about a circumstance you can't control. But if you happen upon her in the pub, just say hi, and do it with your chin up. Be friendly, but don't open up to her. Just be cool, act like you didn't lose anything--she did. That's a confidence booster as well--it's more than just a dignity saver. But be cool...I can't stress that enough. If you're a prick to her, word gets around. She'll babble that you're a miserable twit because she didn't fuck you and that's bad news. If you're sure of yourself...you guessed it, word gets around. Especially if another chick sees you handling yourself like a man.
If she gets drunk and wants to jump you again? Fuck with her. Tell her, "oh, you want me to take you home so you can tell me 'no one night stands' and then not return my phone calls?" Tease her. Same goes for any other girl that does this. Have a similar attitude if another girl does the same thing--"so, what are you up little lady?" Tease her. Put her in her--and all of them--in their place, because, in reality, she's probably the kind of girl that WANTS to be put in her place. You play hard to get this time around--but be weak enough for the one night stand. A chick like this wants you to take control of the moment--and later in the night, she'll want you tossing her around the bed like a rag doll.
Listen, I know it sounds weird, but stay with me--you really can't give a shit if they come or go. And you've had girlfriends, so you know this. Only trouble is that it's a fine line between closing the deal and letting one get away. Sometimes it's better to let them get away, but I have to tell you this--you got some practice in. Bravo. Fuck it, so you didn't close the deal--you had what it took to get the party started, so you're on your way back.
Keep me posted. I'm rooting for you.
Oh...and stick with the gym. I was reading that diet and exercise was more effective than anti-depressants when it comes to shaking off a blue period. Fuck it--work out and eat. Put on some quality weight, not fat. If you take care of yourself, you'll feel better about yourself, and it will show.
Lastly, back to that next day contact thing. Such a testy kind of thing. The vast majority of the girls want you to make them wait and tease them. That whole controlling the moment thing. On the other hand, the one you should be with will want you to call her 5 mins after you part. I know that sounds vague, but you'll know who she is because she'll let you know. She'll be the one that makes you feel really good and like you're king of the world. And she's out there. Trust me.
All in all, Anonymous is following the plan in the article,
How to Talk to Chicks. Why? Because it's his natural inclination anyway, just as it would be yours if you were in this situation. This isn't rocket science--there are no real methods, no "sure fire" ways to pull this off. It's basic biology and understanding how chicks think. As Anonymous builds his confidence through practicing nights at the pub just like that, he's going to put all of us to shame. Cheers to him. That's why this site is here to begin with.
If you have a question or a unique situation you wouldn't mind being a topic on HowToTalkToChicks.com, drop me a line in the Mailbag. Until then, be a man the best way you know how and never take bullshit pansy advice.
--J
