Confidence is Everything and Practice makes Perfect
by John

You'll hear say two things over and over and over. It's the first answer to the first question when you're talking about how to talk to girls. It's all about confidence. You can be the ugliest dude in the world and if you have confidence in yourself, you'll never be alone. Some of you reading this may think--"that's easy for you to say." But what makes ol' J unique is that no matter your station in life, I've been there. I've been a complete zero and a home run hitter and everything in between--and what was the difference? Confidence. How did I get from point a to b? Practice.

First of all, I don't want to seem like Superman. It's very easy to be intimidated by women. That's an honest fact. But that intimidation is easy to spot and it is a turn off. If you do find a girl that likes a guy who has a low self-opinion, that's not the kind of girl you want to be dating. She'll abuse you and destroy what little confidence you already have in yourself. If you in a relationship now where she doesn't make you feel good, get out. Trust me--if anything, you want to turn that table, but that's a different story for a different posting.

No matter where you are, be it at the pub or a club, a laundromat or a grocery store, the opportunity to meet women exists. Will you get a phone number from every woman you talk to? Nope, and don't expect it. But, don't let the fear of failure deter you from approaching women. You don't have to be a creep and if you're annoying her, you'll be the first to know. If you don't pick up on it, mall security will be the second. So stay aware of what's going on, ok?

What is confidence? It's knowing yourself and what you want. It's belief in yourself. Belief that you are worth something. It's in your demeanor, appearance, tone of voice, posture, and what you say. The more you practice your confidence with women, the more they'll be attracted to it, and the more you'll better understand the kind of woman that you're attracted to--and the kind of woman that will be attracted to you. And more importantly, the easier it will be to be confident and feel good about yourself.

Your demeanor. It's your calling card and it's who you are. As you mature, you'll learn how to harness this. If you're an arrogant prick with bad table manners, you need to grow out of this. If you're an insecure mole who thinks his strongest quality is being a mute, you need to grow out of that, too. What a woman likes to see is a guy who is calm and cool, because it suggests he's in control. It's simple biology, really. If you stay relaxed, in both your body and your thoughts, you'll find it much easier to be honest with yourself and the woman you're talking to, and in turn, you'll find that woman more open to talking to you instead of talking to some nervous, sweaty mess. Even if you are a nervous, sweaty mess, don't show it. How do you do that? PRACTICE. Practice means you have to be shot down, probably a lot.

Your appearance. Let's face it, we've all seen some really ugly dude with a cute chick and Well, confidence was probably number one. And an important part of that is taking care of your appearance. Do you wear XL t-shirts because it doesn't make you look so skinny? Do you wear XXL t-shirts because it doesn't make you look so fat? Either way, do some friggin' pushups. Go for a run. Go for a physical at the doctor. Get out at least once a week and get some sun on your face. Wear clothes that fit. I knew a really skinny guy who bought a set of 25 lb dumbbells and spent the entire winter doing simple exercises in his living room. By spring, instead of XL t-shirts, he wore mediums--his true size. He filled out the t-shirt nicely and spent the summer chatting up chicks at the beach. He wasn't afraid to take off his shirt, because he'd chiseled a few features for himself. He didn't have the biggest muscles, but he was confident in what he had--and that looked better than any of his muscles. Chicks at the beach isn't everyone's flavor, but it was a great place for him to practice his newfound confidence.

Your tone of voice. This comes back to relaxing. Don't squeak any notes. Be firm when you speak and give the appearance of control. That will sound confident at the very least.

Posture. Your mother is not an idiot. "Don't slouch" was some of the best advice she ever gave you. In fact, if you think back at all the grooming tips she gave you as you were growing up, she was telling you how to score a chick.

What you say. The worst thing you can be is dishonest. Countless idiots think, "I'm going to make my first million before I'm 30" is a great line and shows confidence. WRONG. It shows you're an out of touch douche who has his head in the clouds and is not grounded (control, remember). When talking about yourself and what you want out of life, keep it honest--but don't be an uninspired dullard, either. Don't bullshit her, because she's already heard that "I'm going to be rich" crap a million times. And if you do have a big talk, be sure you have a big walk.

Good luck fellas. Being confident and staying confident is hard. But don't give up if you get shot down. Keep going after it--the more you practice it, the easier it will be. You'll start to believe your own confidence--and that doesn't mean you'll be an arrogant prick. It will just mean you're sure of yourself. And be realistic--if you've never been with a blonde bombshell, don't start with a blonde bombshell. If you're paying attention, and being confident, you'll see which chick is picking up on your vibe. Who knows--it may be that blonde bombshell after all.



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